Am I really living?

I feel like I have been more than outspoken about my dislike for the town we live in. Every day, it seems, there is something that makes me wish we could just move away, and wipe the dust of this place off of our feet. In fact, I say it. Sort of often. I'll be hanging out with people, and say something like, "Well...when we move away." Some of my dislike is valid....like the lack of fellowship with people in our current life situation, some of it not so much....I hate having to drive an hour to go to a Target. And don't get me started on the way people drive in this town--I have never in my life seen anything so ridiculous.

But these past few weeks, things haven't been terrible. They haven't been great, but they haven't been terrible. I have been spending some time with some ladies at our church, and I feel like I'm finally starting to develop some real friendships in this town. I have a job this fall. This is where my husband and I bought our first house, and started our lives as a family. And I realize that my attitude is a lot of the problem.

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus tells the disciples, "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34)

In its context, Jesus is telling the disciples not to be concerned with the things of world--with clothing, food, shelter, etc.

In the past, I have looked at this verse in light of my anxiety problems (that's another story, entirely). I saw it as an admonishment against the things I was anxious about....the what ifs in life. But then I took the time to look up the definition of the word "worry" in the original Greek and this is what I found.

Worry-Merimnao
to be anxious
to be troubled with cares
to care for, look out for (a thing)
to seek to promote one's interests
caring or providing for

Do you see that one of the definition's for worry is "to seek to promote one's interests"? Ouch. Is my daily worry about leaving this town (will it happen? when will it happen? why hasn't it happened?) seeking to promote my own interest? You had better believe it. Am I trusting God when my attitude about the life he has given me is so poor? No. Not at all. I have not been serving God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. I have been waiting. Waiting for the life I want, instead of the life I have. I have been wasting opportunities, and wasting time.

Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary on the Whole Bible says this about this chapter:

The conclusion of the whole matter is, that it is the will and command of the Lord Jesus, that by daily prayers we may get strength to bear us up under our daily troubles, and to arm us against the temptations that attend them, and then let none of these things move us. Happy are those who take the Lord for their God, and make full proof of it by trusting themselves wholly to his wise disposal. Let thy Spirit convince us of sin in the want of this disposition, and take away the worldliness of our hearts.

So that is my prayer for today. That I may make full proof that the Lord is my God by trusting myself wholly to His wise disposal.

It's time to start living the life I have been given.