Friday, January 23, 2009

A break from our regularly scheduled programming

I know I still have three rooms left on my planning process, but there's just something else I need to write about.

This has been the most physically and mentally difficult week of my life.  In fact, I'm still having a hard time comprehending that this week has been MY LIFE.  It feels unreal.  In all honesty, I can't believe that it is real.  And that it's happening in my life.  For real.

I don't feel like I should give too terribly many details, so I'll be appropriately vague.  Something has happened at school that has the potential to become a very, very dangerous situation.  As a result, we have been under lockdown for the last two days as a preventative measure.  That essentially means no one is allowed in the halls, and only one door is open to the whole building, and it is monitored constantly.  Students are required to have escorts to leave the classroom during class.  It's kind of a scary situation, and I'll be the first to admit that it is the most horrifying experience of my life.

I still haven't wrapped my around completely around it....all I know is that right now, I am in constant need of God's grace.  I don't have any idea what is going to happen during the day when I go to school, and right now, that's especially unnerving.  I sobbed my whole drive home yesterday because I was so distraught over the situation.  Then I hit a level of exhaustion that I have never experienced before.  Every limb of my body was in agony.  I wanted nothing more than to crawl into pajamas and go to bed.  Today I struggled to form words and keep my eyes open, even as I taught.  Tonight, I fully intend to crawl into my bed and sleep for hours.  The stress of this week has drained me of all personality, all strength, and all energy.  And it's given me a fever blister and a rash.  Andy has thought that I've been upset with him all week, but in reality, it's just been too difficult for me to form words and carry on a conversation.  I feel like I've just kind of sealed myself off from the world.

I tell you all of this, because I need to be honest.  And because I need prayer.  Monday is supposed to be the worst of it, and then hopes are that the situation will die down and fade away, but there is a serious tension right now.  I am feeling nearly desperate right now.  I keep repeating my Scripture memory verse for this half of January over and over, "Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.  Sufficient for the day is its own trouble" and it has been what I needed.  Would you consider joining me in praying for this situation, and for the safety of our school? 

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