Adjusting

We are finally getting to our new normal.  Things have calmed down, and I think  I’m starting to see the way things will go around here.  At least for now.  Friday, I got my PICC out….and it made me so happy.  It’s crazy to see such a huge hole in my arm….but I will take the hole over the line any day of the week.  I’ve also decided to stop planning how I think things will go….because nothing has worked out the way I planned or thought.

As of now, we are doing well.  Andy and I have figured out a care/feeding schedule that works for us.  Right now, I am exclusively pumping.  We tried to go back to breastfeeding as soon as possible after my medicine, but we had some issues.  We’ll just say that there is not much advice out there for “my baby had to be formula fed for 14 of the first 16 days of his life and now he’s so used to the bottle that I think he’s going to rip my freaking nipple off and the thought of trying to breastfeed him makes me want to die inside because the pain is so bloody intense.”  I only wish I was being dramatic.  We had a whole family meltdown and came up with a solution that’s working for us.  I’m pumping….and it works.  It’s not ideal by any means, but Liam is getting breastmilk and I don’t cry 36 times a day.  I only had a single electric pump (because we really didn’t plan to bottle feed….we owned like two bottles that came in a gift set and I had the single pump….obviously we’ve gotten a bit more since then), so I ordered a double yesterday….so I can cut my time in half that way.  My supply isn’t quite up to snuff yet (but we’re getting close) so we have had to supplement formula a few times as well.  I’m starting to be okay with these things.  I still don’t love it, but I’m recognizing that it doesn’t make me a failure as a parent, and that it’s okay.  We have to figure out what works for us, and frankly, the last three weeks  have been anything but ideal and we’re dealing with that the best we can. 

Since Liam is eating from a bottle, it does mean we can split up his feedings.  As of now, Andy feeds him his last bottle before bed (because Mommy goes to sleep earlier than Daddy), then I take care of the middle of the night feeding/diaper, and Andy gets the first thing in the morning.  Then whoever does whatever during the day….tomorrow will be my first full day home alone with Liam and Ollie.  Liam and I have to go to the bank and the health department so I will also be driving for the first time (unless I go get groceries tonight, which may happen) AND making my first outing alone with baby.  It seems overwhelming right now, but I’m sure we’ll be fine.

Liam seems to love his carseat and his stroller right now (the boy likes to be moving).  He’s been on two walks in the park.  I think I have overestimated my ability on both walks…..we went to the park Saturday night, and I forgot about the hills the way we went.  I kind of wanted to die by the time we got home.  I keep having to remind myself that I did just have surgery three weeks ago….and I had a very serious infection after surgery….both of which would make it so that I wouldn’t feel great for a few weeks……and I had both, and am caring for a newborn and sleep deprived….so it’s okay to take it a little easier.  Yeah….I keep saying it…but it’s not really happening :)