Discouragement and Hormones

Is it just me or does January feel forever long?  I feel like this month just keeps coming….like it’s never going to end.  I don’t know if it’s because we’ve had two major snows already so I feel like winter should be over, or what.  But January is not my favorite this year.  And if we’re honest, I don’t hold out high hopes for February either.

This month just feels miserable right now.  It’s cold outside.  My clothes are all weird.  I have to bend over funny.  And I think  I’m just bored.  With life in general.  I have moments that are nice, but overall,  I think my attitude could use some serious adjusting.

I got sick over the weekend.  I think it’s safe to say I had my first migraine since I was sixteen.  And Andy was gone….like three hours away gone.  It was horrible.  I wanted to call my mommy and ask her to come take care of me.  I didn’t, though, because I knew she would, and I would feel bad asking her to drive three hours for that.  I spent all day Saturday on the sofa.  I cried a lot.  A LOT.  For the first time, I was actually desperate and devastated that we didn’t live closer to one of our parents because I really could have used one of my moms.  Ollie could have too.  The poor kid laid with me all day trying to help me feel better.  I went back and forth all day about calling Andy and asking him to come home.  I have since been informed by a large number of people that they would have been more than willing to come over and help me out, and that I should have called. 

Beyond that, I think I’m just hyper-sensitive right now.  My hormones are definitely kicking in a variety of ways.  I feel the need to cry often.  Not over anything, really.  Just to cry.  Some mornings I cry when I get ready for work.  Sometimes it’s in the afternoon.  Sometimes just because. 

And I’m tired.  And I miss the sunshine.  I could really use some sunshine.  And my friends.  I feel like it’s been a long time since I’ve had any sort of quality time with someone my age.  I was so jealous of Andy (more excited for him, but if I’m being honest, jealous too) that he was with college friends this weekend.  It was fine when I was supposed to be in Louisville with the wife of one of those friends….but then I got sick and couldn’t go, and it was devastating.  I think I just needed the chance to be normal, to hang out with a friend and do regular things…like go to a mall and get lunch.  I don’t even remember the last time  I did that.  It’s definitely been over a year.

So yeah.  January.  It’s forever long and I’m struggling.