Monday, January 17, 2011

Discouragement and Hormones

Is it just me or does January feel forever long?  I feel like this month just keeps coming….like it’s never going to end.  I don’t know if it’s because we’ve had two major snows already so I feel like winter should be over, or what.  But January is not my favorite this year.  And if we’re honest, I don’t hold out high hopes for February either.

This month just feels miserable right now.  It’s cold outside.  My clothes are all weird.  I have to bend over funny.  And I think  I’m just bored.  With life in general.  I have moments that are nice, but overall,  I think my attitude could use some serious adjusting.

I got sick over the weekend.  I think it’s safe to say I had my first migraine since I was sixteen.  And Andy was gone….like three hours away gone.  It was horrible.  I wanted to call my mommy and ask her to come take care of me.  I didn’t, though, because I knew she would, and I would feel bad asking her to drive three hours for that.  I spent all day Saturday on the sofa.  I cried a lot.  A LOT.  For the first time, I was actually desperate and devastated that we didn’t live closer to one of our parents because I really could have used one of my moms.  Ollie could have too.  The poor kid laid with me all day trying to help me feel better.  I went back and forth all day about calling Andy and asking him to come home.  I have since been informed by a large number of people that they would have been more than willing to come over and help me out, and that I should have called. 

Beyond that, I think I’m just hyper-sensitive right now.  My hormones are definitely kicking in a variety of ways.  I feel the need to cry often.  Not over anything, really.  Just to cry.  Some mornings I cry when I get ready for work.  Sometimes it’s in the afternoon.  Sometimes just because. 

And I’m tired.  And I miss the sunshine.  I could really use some sunshine.  And my friends.  I feel like it’s been a long time since I’ve had any sort of quality time with someone my age.  I was so jealous of Andy (more excited for him, but if I’m being honest, jealous too) that he was with college friends this weekend.  It was fine when I was supposed to be in Louisville with the wife of one of those friends….but then I got sick and couldn’t go, and it was devastating.  I think I just needed the chance to be normal, to hang out with a friend and do regular things…like go to a mall and get lunch.  I don’t even remember the last time  I did that.  It’s definitely been over a year.

So yeah.  January.  It’s forever long and I’m struggling. 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Saturday was just plain yucky for everyone in our family. Remember it is ok to cry and be emotional at this time, just blame it on Andy. Remember Dad and I will gladly come anytime you need us just call:) Remember eventhough you are adult you will always be our little girl. Daddy's little Aaker.