Baby Chronicles Chapter 4: Oh mercy the emotions…

I feel like I’m living Katy Perry’s “Hot and Cold.”

“You’re hot then you’re cold”—why yes, yes I am.

“You’re yes then you’re no”—yup, that’s about right.

“You’re in and you’re out”—only on days that end with y

“You’re up and you’re down”—that’s twelve seconds.  What about the rest of the day?

“You’re wrong when you’re right'”—that’s probably pretty accurate too.

You get the picture.  I am ALL over the place.  It’s been bad for weeks, but I feel like this week is out of control.  Partly, because this week has been hard.

You see, since we found out that the little lime baby was inside of me, Andy and I have been making a concerted effort to keep our schedule relaxed.  It was pretty awesome, and mostly necessary.  The intense nausea and vomiting that set in every day as soon as the final bell rang after school for six weeks really limited our options.  So I spent most of my nights dozing on the sofa, taking it easy or visiting the porcelain throne.    

But this week.

I started to feel better.  And I overdid.  Some of it was my fault.  A lot of it was just life.

Monday, we went to Clarksville to run errands, and we took B, Andy’s former little brother in the BBBS program (he turned 18, so he’s not a little anymore, but he’s still a part of our little family).  It turns out, our boy had only been able to go to Clarksville like 3 times in his life.  People.  We go there like once a month.  It’s my sanity place (because I can go to Tarjay).  We went to dinner, and he had never eaten somewhere with a cloth napkin.  He thought it was a placemat, and put his salad on top of it.  I showed him how to put it on his lap, and he told us that this was nicest restaurant he had ever been too.  It’s a decently nice place (our normal sushi restaurant), but it’s nothing spectacular.  I could have put my head down on the table and cried.  Then we took him to Target to pick out gifts for our Operation Christmas Child boxes, and he was through the moon.  It was truly something else to watch this 18 year old tough guy who constantly gets into verbal wars with other people and always wants to fight, stand there is his chain and umbrella-y pants and get over the moon excited about picking out Christmas  gifts for little kids in third  world countries.

People.  That night was a blessing to me.  But it wreaked its emotional havoc.  I have never realized just how much I take for granted.  It tore me up.  The things that have been normal for my entire life, are so not normal for so many people.  It just worked me over. 

Monday had already knocked me down when Tuesday and Wednesday came.  I had meetings both days that really upset me.  I felt like there were some not right things happening at both, and I was really disappointed and upset at the behavior of several people who I would have expected better from.  To be honest, Tuesday night I came home in tears I was so frustrated.  Wednesday was almost as bad.  Both experiences left me drained, and frankly, not pleasant to be around.  Last night Andy mentioned that I was out-of-control irritable and I was being really unfair to him.

And I was.

But in that moment, the hormones made me want to throw something at him.

I didn’t.  And we talked it through without any sort of physical violence.

But I’m totally hot and cold, yes and no, in and out, up and down.