For our future children

Dear Future Children,

We aren’t currently expecting you, so your grandma can go ahead and get that out of her system.  Or it might be your grandpa.  It’s definitely your aunt Lauren.  It just so happens that approximately 73% of the wombs I know are currently carrying or have recently carried offspring, so that leads me to think about things like this.

Important things.

Things like your future wardrobes.  You see, I’m fairly opinionated.  I know this will be a shock to you future children, since you’ll always see me as lovely and perfect and wonderfully sweet.  But there are a lot of things I don’t like.  A lot of things that typically go along with babies.  Things like pastels.  Things like ooogly googly baby cute .  Baby blue.  Little girl pale pink.  That weird poopy shade of green.  Any form of pastel anything.  And, my future babes, some of this will make your loving mommy throw the heck up in her mouth.  If you are a future son, I apologize in advance for not covering every inch of your tiny future hiney in baby blue pastel.  But mama loves you so much, she just doesn’t want to vom all over you.  To our maybe future princess, I promise you’ll get your pink chances, but a girl needs some variety in her wardrobe.  I’d rather mix it up with some brighter pink—and especially with lots of different colors.

To our maybe little prince, I’d really like to dress you like a mini version of your daddy.  Because he’s my special boyfriend, and I think he looks oh-so-fab when he wears the clothes I pick out—so of course you will too.  You can have twin day—it’ll be awesome.  I would love very much for you to be like your dad.  He’s kind of a rockstar.  You’ll think so too.  I just know it. 

For our sweet princess—sweetheart, I’ll be doing you a favor.  Trust me.  Pink ruffles are so 1980.  You’ll love what mommy picks out….or you’ll get really good at faking it. 

So, my future kidlets, here’s a bit of what I have picked out for you based on the current selection from Old Navy and Baby Gap.  And let’s just be completely honest—the little boy’s section of Baby GAP made a little piece of me die inside.  It was too perfect for words.  And your daddy liked it too…..