Monday, May 24, 2010

The Funk

I have been in a funk for the last few weeks.  I can't honestly tell you what I've done with my time.  I know I saw Wicked.  I know I spent a weekend with my sister.  I know I had sushi on my anniversary (it's tradition—I have the cute chopsticks to prove it)  I know I had a lot of fun at a TARK wedding this weekend.  And I know that I have spent a lot of time staring at the clock, waiting for the school year to be over.


It doesn't even really make sense.  I love my classes this year, and I'm going to miss them.  But mercy am I ever worn the heck out. 


So I'm in a funk.


I think it's worse today.


And I think I know why. 


We have some really awesome friends.  They're clever and funny, super witty and always ready for a good time.  They swipe clothes off of mannequins at the GAP, say horribly inappropriate things that are wildly hilarious, they laugh over awkward wedding moments, and you can caravan into a town you've never been in before to find ice cream using the Garmin.  And then you can sit and chat for over an hour at that awesome ice cream place, forgetting that you have a wedding reception to attend.  And then realizing that you haven't sat around with this group of people in at least three years, but it feels like yesterday because conversation flows so easily.


Why would that put me in a funk?  Because I miss them something fierce.  Any time we get to spend time with friends (Andy's or mine—these were Andy's), I come home really sad.  Because I don't have that at home.  And I miss it.


The worst part—three of those couples—three of my favorites, even, all live within five minutes of each other in Avon.  Breaks my heart.  They hang out all the time.  And I am lucky to see them once a year.  It makes me want to move to Avon tomorrow.  I asked.  Andy said we can't.  Something about not having jobs there.


I am thankful for the jobs we have here.  And the friends we have here.  We do know some wonderful people, people who would do anything for us.  There's just something about those relationships that I don't have here.  I always come home acutely aware that I really am desperate, as much as I try to hide it.  Those relationships are missing in my life—and they are leaving a big hole. 


So that's where I am.  In a funk.


I have some cheerier things later—things like anniversary pictures (as soon as Andy edits them for me) and Oliver updates and fun stories from the wedding this weekend.  But for today….the funk.

1 comment:

Rebecca said...

Oh Ashley, I certainly know how you feel. I get to see my Purdue friends, oh, about once in a year. And everybody I'd get to see, all within a few days (ok, last summer I made it just over two weeks... which leaves about 49.5 weeks out of the year to miss everybody. And try as I might, nobody seems to want to hire me in Indiana. I kinda want to move there anyway, and get a job afterward :-P . One of these days...

I definitely miss my McCutcheon girls, and sad I didn't get to see you all more than a brief cameo last summer. Hopefully next time I visit I can see you more.