For 15 to 20 years from now

Dear girls who might want to put their mouth on my son’s mouth in fifteen to twenty years,

First off, if you are putting your mouth on my son’s mouth, you had better hope I like you.  I’m just saying.  I went through hell when that boy was born, and I fully intend to vet any girl who has the nerve to put her mouth on his mouth, because I’m his mama and I can.  So remember that.  Crazy mom.  Are you sure you want to put your mouth on his mouth?

If you’re still around, and still trying to put your mouth on his mouth, then I have something to tell you.  Liam ate a worm.  Just bit it right in two.  Also, he drinks dirty water from his water table and I think I caught him licking a car bumper recently.  Also, he eats dog food.  So think about all that before you put your mouth on his mouth.

But, if you still want to put your mouth on his mouth after all that, you might be all right.

And bonus, he is likely to have a great immune system.

Sincerely,

Liam’s mom (the crazy one).

Liam Cleanem

Liam thinks that cleaning is the best.  He likes dusting and sweeping and wiping down his tray after meals.  He also likes to throw away trash.  We haven't quite mastered putting away toys yet....but we will.

I have never felt so tired for so long in my entire life

So.  I have something to say.  My child really stinks at sleeping during the day.  In fact, he’s horrible at it.  His nighttime sleep is fine, great even, but naps are another story.  Naps are going to kill me.  Because it’s not like he’s a weirdo who’s content without a nap….oh no, he needs one, he just won’t take one.  Here’s a rundown of a normal day:

We wake up.  We hang out.  Liam starts to look tired, yawning and such.  I put him in his crib and wrap him up, give him a blanket.  He begins shrieking before I leave the room.  He continues shrieking for 35 minutes, until I give up and go get him.  He has crazy dark circles under his eyes at this point, and continues shrieking.  I carry him up and down the hallway, I try to figure out how to calm him.  He stays awake and stays mad.  I pray up and down the hallway.  He stays awake, but God gives me the grace to keep walking up and down the hallway.

Sometimes he falls asleep.  Sometimes he doesn’t.  Sometimes we have to get a whole new feeding in before sleeping happens.  He has also developed a radar, so that when I put him down, he wakes up instantly and shrieks…and we start the whole process over.  And I’m exhausted.  I think I need Liam to take a nap as much as he needs the nap.