Sunday, September 23, 2012


The past two and half months have been an incredibly refining time.  There is nothing like moving in with someone to teach you a lot about happened in college, it happened when Andy and I got married, and it's happened since we've been living here.  I have relearned something I already knew--but to a much larger extent.  I need wide margins.  I need time to be.  To be alone.  To be away from people.  To be free to do my own thing for some amount of time.  This is something I have struggled with off and on since Liam was born, and it's been a real struggle recently.  Right now, I am home alone.  And it's blissful.  I am planning out my last minutes of alone time: I am going to finish this, then I am going to eat a banana with peanut butter and chocolate syrup for dinner, then I am going to go find something to watch on tv.  All of these are things I could do with others around (maybe not the banana for dinner thing...Andy and Liam don't groove on that the way I do), but because I can do it alone, it's instantly more satisfying.  I need time to think, to create, to plan, to process, and to do.  In all seriousness, Andy makes fun of how often I look for new houses, but it's something I need to do.  I choose a house, I fixate on it, and when it sells I feel sad for about four hours, then I convince myself of a few reasons why that wasn't the house for us, and find a new one that I think is way better for X number of reasons.  Although, admittedly, my current crush may take me more than a few hours to get over if it doesn't sell.  It's a custom home with a serious midcentury modern vibe, crazy hardwoods, and a walkway and a loft...and the loft has knotty pine tongue and groove ceilings.  It needs some serious paint/wallpaper removal...but it's a real charmer and and I do some seriously awesome things to it.  And it's yard is amazeballs...and .38 acres with a lake down the way.  And a park in the neighborhood...and it's off the main drag in the northside suburb I want to live it.  And it's closer to our church than Andy's parents' house (like 20 mins instead of 30).  So yeah.  I have learned that I need alone time, and it makes me batty not to get it.  And I need to have hope that the future will be different...that some day we will be in our own place again.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

We grow with each new experience you are where God wants you sounds like Liam is good for John he really goes to the men of the family first it was so much fun just watching him G