Back in the Saddle

The first 14 days of this school year are past.  At the end of tomorrow, I will have had 15 official days with this class.  And can I tell you something? I love this year.  My students aren’t perfect.  I’m not anywhere close to it.  But it’s amazing what a difference a year can make.  I feel confident in my classroom.  I feel confident in my skills as a teacher and as a disciplinarian.  I love being in my classroom.  I’m not racing out of the building in tears at 3.  In fact, I’ve hardly left before 4 this week. 

I feel like I’m a better teacher this year.  My lessons are fresher, more creative.  I’m planning ahead, and figuring out assignments that will help my students in all aspects of their future.  I would have loved some of the assignments I have plotted out for the next two weeks.  My discipline skills are stronger.  My classes aren’t out of control, and they are learning.  Fewer students are failing at this point.  Everything just feels BETTER.

I overheard a few boys in my classroom yesterday.  One of them was saying that he thought ninth grade English was so much simpler than eighth grade.  I questioned him on this, because I know I’ve been working them HARD.  He explained that while they had a lot of work, he felt like I took enough time to go through and make sure they understood the assignment thoroughly before having them do it, so it wasn’t hard to do the work.  I told Andy last night that those comments from that student were some of the most meaningful words anyone has spoken to me in my career.

I feel like I am handling things better.  I had a student who speaks no English dropped into my classroom on the fourth day of school, with no warning or guidance.  I’ve figured out how to teach and help him, and still focus on the rest of the class.  I have taught myself how to teach English as a New Language to student who really doesn’t know his first language.  I’m figuring out how to motivate my unmotivated learners.  And I’m making my kids so much more responsible for their learning.

I’ve been developing a better relationship with one of my colleagues down the hall.  She is teaching one of the same classes as me this year, so we’ve been bouncing ideas off of one another and working together.  It’s been so nice to have someone who is doing the same thing I am.  We joked yesterday that we have so little time that when the two of us have a chance to talk we try to fit 60 minutes of conversation into 9 minutes….we both talk faster than Lorelai and Rory and cover 12 different topics in mere seconds.  And I love it.   

I’m still tired.  I think it’s just a given for the early part of the year.  But I’m making time for exercise, and I’m trying to watch my calories so I don’t gain more weight early in the year like I did last year.  I’ve been thinking about having a sweets-free September.  During my senior year of high school I decided to pretend like I was Catholic and give up all junk food for Lent.  It was hard at first, but I remember feeling lighter, healthier and more energetic at the end of that time.  So I’m kind of hoping for that.

I feel blessed right now.  Last year was hard.  It was a serious growing time.  But the Lord has so clearly been showing me how much I have learned, how much I have improved in the last twelve months.  It’s been kind of a high these past few days just thinking about it.  The start of this school year has been such a sweet gift from God.  I so appreciate it, and I just can’t get enough of it :)

Dear Who(m?)ever

To the person from Louisville who called our house at 11:30 last night,

Really?  Do you really need to talk to someone that badly at THAT hour?  And when they don’t answer, do you really need to let the phone continue to ring for 2 solid minutes?  Did you think that was going to magically work?  My mama always told me to hang up after four.  If they don’t answer in four, they aren’t going to answer. 

But not you.  You thought 36 rings or whatever awful number that was would be so much better.  I had just fallen asleep, and you scared the bajeepers out of me.  My husband?  He doesn’t wake up for the phone.  Just me.  So when I had finally fallen asleep, you silly person from Louisville ruined it all.

You should be ashamed of yourself.  And darned glad I didn’t answer the phone last night.

Love,

Ashley

(PS—This is mostly in jest.  I’m tired, but not really that hateful :))

Twas the Night Before School Starts….

And I’m excited!

I didn’t realize how much I missed my hallway until today.  I got to spend the day working in my classroom, and chatting with co-workers.  I missed those women this summer!  I felt like we fell right back into the swing of things.  I hate to admit to you how little work I accomplished in early part of the morning, but it was so nice to catch up with my hall-mates.  In our building, I am back down a hallway that is sort of stranded from the rest of the building.  There are two other teachers in my hallway, and no one else never comes by.  So we have bonded.  And do whatever we want.  And I just love it.  So after a day of racing up and down the hall to share worksheets and flash drives and scrapbooks and cry over sad summer stories and find documents in the world’s largest PDF, I am almost ready to start school tomorrow.  I have just a few little things to do (and a lot of work this weekend….I know what I’m doing with my ninth graders for the first few weeks, but I’m struggling with speech), and I will be set for the start of class tomorrow.

2009-2010 school year, welcome.  Let’s have some fun (in a totally disciplined and darned hard English class kind of way)!

Deep in Thought

I had an all-day conference for school this morning.  And I was dreading it.  I didn’t want to go, but I had signed up.  So I was obligated.  All morning I stewed and stewed.  I made myself so anxious I even threw up a little this morning.  Disgusting, I know.  But it relates.

It turns out that this conference was incredible on a lot of different levels.  I got a lot of practical advice that I can apply in my classroom right away.  In fact, I rewrote my 9th grade lesson plans during the presentation to better suit what I thought was important today.  I had some serious lightbulb moments (textbook publishers put things like pictures, captions, and cultural connections to help students….so I should use them).

Beyond that, though, our presenter said something that has been gnawing at me all day.  She told this early on:

Your brain believes what you tell it.

I couldn’t let this go all day.  I thought about it on so many levels.  I thought about it as it pertains to my students.  The words I say to them.  The words I teach them to say to themselves.  The words they have been taught to say to themselves.  So often in my classroom, I think, “Who has told you that that is all you worth?”  And I want to help them change it.  But it’s a struggle.  Because it’s a struggle for me.

My brain believes what I tell it.

When I tell myself that I am worthless, my brain believes it.

When I tell myself that I have no friends, my brain believes it.

When I tell myself that I am a failure as a wife, a teacher, an anything, my brain believes it.

This isn’t a totally new concept to me.  I have struggled with negative self-talk for a very long time, and spent a good deal of my junior year of college dealing with this issue with a very wise friend, K.Tro. 

But as I’ve gotten older, and been in more difficult situations, I’ve forgotten.  I’ve fallen back on old habits instead of speaking truth—truth from God’s Word.

And so today, I want to change that.  I want to change my belief system from lies to the truth.

Our speaker talked about the idea of speaking affirmations to yourself.  For instance, if you want to be organized and prepared, but struggle with, repeat over and over, “I am organized and I am prepared.”  And eventually you start to believe it and make it your reality. 

So today, I want to tell my brain this:

“No, in all these things [trouble, persecution, famine, nakedness, danger, sword, etc.] we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Romans 8:37

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourself be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1

“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old is gone, the new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17

And you had just better believe that my dear husband is designing a poster that says “Your brain believes what you tell it” to be displayed prominently in my classroom.

Playing with pictures

So…I really want a copy of Adobe Lightroom.  Like really.  But I cannot justify buying it at the current moment (though my husband did tell me to do it).  It’s just a big purchase.  And I’m not good with big purchases.  So he’s going to have to order for me if I’m going to get it.  I can’t make my fingers click the buttons.  But I did make them click the buttons to do the FREE 30 day trial.  And I played with it yesterday.  And I had some serious fun.  I think it will be my after-school fun for the first few days of the year.  And here is a bit of what I came up with

A few wedding pictures

 

Some just for fun pictures

And a few of the daughter of a friend of Andy’s from Purdue that I took last weekend

A Space of my own

I know something about myself.  It’s something I learned in college.  I need my own space.  Just a little corner that’s all mine, nothing too fancy, nothing too great.  Just a little bit that I can call mine.

I discovered this when I was living in the dorms.  Because when you live in the dorms, no space is your own.  Everything is shared.  The futon.  The fridge.  The air.  Even your bed isn’t a hideaway, because your roommate is either across the loft or above/beneath you. 

My last two years of college, I had an apartment where I had my own bedroom.  It was glorious.  I loved my roommates.  Just today we ran into someone from Purdue, and she and I were chatting about how wonderful my roommates were.  I loved spending time with them, seeing them, sharing life with them.  But I loved them more because I had my own room.  If I needed quiet, I could get it.  If I needed to watch 7 straight hours of Gilmore Girls, I could do it.  And poor Lauren knows that I needed that one often. 

For the past two years, I haven’t had my own space.  I have had a lot of shared space.  And it’s been shared with my very best friend, the man that I love and adore.  But his mark has been as clear as my own.  Our spaces have been gender neutral.  They have been shared.  And sometimes, they have been rough.

Today, for the first time since May of 2007, I have my own space again.

I have my own office.

Well.  Sort of.  It’s also a guest bedroom.  So if someone comes to visit, I will give it to them while they are here. 

But it’s mine.  And I love it.  I have my own desk.  And it is cute.  I have a new chair.  I have a cute lamp.  I have art that is yellow and blue and pink and girly.  I have pictures.  And I have a door.  That I can close.  Soon (like whenever I pick it up and bring it over), I will have a t.v., so that when the Gilmore Girls urge strikes, I can watch without dragging my husband into it (somehow, he thinks that since he’s seen every episode AT LEAST twice, he’s done…weird, I know). 

I will show you my space soon.  It’s not quite finished.  I have a bookshelf and the television to move over.  I need to get some hangers for a few pieces.  And I’m waiting on one last piece of art that won’t arrive until sometime next week.  I would guess by the middle of next week, I’ll be ready to take pictures and show you my little office.  I can’t wait to share it! (I know, it’s a bit ironic.)

Why I don’t necessarily love summer

One might think that as a teacher, I live for summer.

And in February, I would have told you that was the truth.

But I’ve discovered something this summer.

I don’t really love summer.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  There are a whole lot of things I LOVE about summer—vacations, the pool, wearing skirts and dresses without tights, getting to sleep in, summer rainstorms (only when they don’t smell like dead worms when they are over), and the time I get to spend with Andy.

But there are some things that I don’t love.

I don’t have a real structure, which makes me lazy.  I can accomplish far more in a day during the school year than I can in the summer.  Because I have to.  Having a schedule and a deadline is crucial for me.  Without it, I’m likely to lie on the sofa and watch two hours of Home Improvement every day. 

I don’t get out as much.  Which means I don’t talk.  So I just kind of shut off.  Completely.  It’s impossible to carry on a conversation with me right now.  I have nothing to say.

Unless you want to hear about what Mark and Randy did on yesterday on Home Improvement.  Or about Brad dressing up as Raggedy Andy for Halloween because his girlfriend was going be Raggedy Ann. 

In the fall, I have a routine.  I have a structure.  I know what is expected of me, and I kick my rear into gear and get it done.

Today I had plans, and I got things done.  I exercised.  I ran errands.  I went to the library.  I met teacher peeps (not from my building, from the elementary school) for lunch.  And then I work in my classroom.  I just spent a few hours over in my room and it was lovely.  I got to pray over the room, hang up some posters, and start getting some things organized.  Now I am working on short grammar lessons, and coming up with a very genius idea for making grammar a little less painful.  Having something to do makes me happy.

And as good as the “Sunny Laundry” air freshener on my desk, and summery smelling candles we have around the house all are, I am for sure excited about pulling out my Harvest candle from Yankee Candle, and pumpkin spice…and something apple cider-y from Wal-Mart.  Fall candles are basically the best.

So summer, while I will miss sleeping late and being a lazy bones, I am excited to be productive again.  It’s time to slip it back into Lorelai gear (full-speed, hopped up on caffeine).  I’ve been Mrs. Bennett for far too long.